走出自残的阴霾

又行尸走肉了一个星期。

安慰的是玩重奏乐时有被感动到，惊觉自己还是个人。

非常羡慕那些对生命有热诚的人，是对是错都可以坦然得面对人生。

太在意是非对错，结果还是在过去生活，怎么能够把握现在，做到最好呢？

醒来吧！

embrace change

stop being uptight.

take a deep breath.

look for new perspective.

embrace change.

面对乐团、面对自己

昨天的网记的目的是想将问题说出来，让大家能够一起解决。

但结果令我失望。我们既然是同一个乐团的人，为什么不能将事情摊开来讨论，一起面对这个难题。我虽不是一个非常好的演奏者，但我也听得出我们在节奏上已经不在一起，其它音乐元素已经不用谈了。

朋友们一直劝我不要执著于玩正确的东西，享受音乐就好了。老实讲，我真的不能释怀。因为听起来感觉不对，像被吊在半空中，不上不下，很难受。

但我要告诉自己，既往不咎。不能改变的事实就认命吧！人生不如意事常八九，学习体会苦中作乐。

希望大家能够在一起。

My views on band rehearsal

Chorale are made up of mostly consonant chords; Modern band music will have some or many dissonant chords, but many will have perfect cadence in the end to sound satisfying. But I don't feel satisfied after every piece.

After so many rehearsals, rhythmically we are still not together. Are we really that bad at counting? I guess not. Some people are following conductor's beat but some are not. So are we supposed to follow the conductor? I guess not too. If we are all following the conductor, for 4/4 passage, some bar will have 4 counts, some have 3 counts, some have merely 2 counts, are we going to leave out that missing counts and not play what we are supposed to play? If we leave the note out, that passage will sound incomplete; If we play everything according to his beat, then we will sound we are rushing through. So which is the lesser of evil?

I know taking a band is not easy. Need to take care of many things, but those basic things like rhythm, phrasing, balance, and etc. must be polished first before we even move to musicality. I feel that the rehearsals are really not planned properly. Some obvious wrong rhythm or pitching were not corrected immediately. And we are playing over and over again. Seriously now I don't know what is right and what is wrong. I feel so irritated sitting there listen to practically dissonance for the whole rehearsal.

I guess many are not aware that there is a solo at XVI. The solo part is written mf. The accompaniment sounded like ff. Two bars later, english horn is having a very long solo and the accompaniment is still playing ff. How can he express well and sound nice if he is struggling to be heard? I don't understand why the conductor still allow us to play that loud.

I personally feel we are much more together and balanced on sundays' rehearsal. Most people are more focused and relaxed. Many are actually making the effort to sound together as we are more attentive to the pieces. Yes,we are following, but mostly to our fellow band mates.

So what are we supposed to do? Follow closely to him or listen closely?

乐团是人生的缩影？

演奏会将近，整个管乐团的准备不充足。很多瑕疵，我的独奏还是和节奏部分的团友不在一起。感觉乐团的声音相当‘暴力’，很想有一个或多个重奏组合，尝试一下较为平静的和声。

工作上遇到很多困难，尤其是人事方面。人与人之间真是不容易，得找出大家可以沟通的频率，才能一起达到目标。这和乐团的音准很相似吧！但很多时候调准了这个音，其它音未必能够有一致的音准。这需要很多磨合与互动，才能达到更高的境界。

白癜风依然伴随着我。我的疗程并没有跟得很紧，我对我的容貌真的很不在乎。时常因为疲倦或不舒服而屡屡没有吃药和涂药。我会成为全白的人吗？

圆，我对我无礼的言语说声抱歉，你终究一天能够在这乐器闯出一片天的。

2009年第10星期

最近心情非常低落......

今晚的练习真的很最糟糕。指挥根本不理会错误，从头到尾将歌曲走完就算了。我真的很生气！这是哪门子的指挥？而我的独奏的部分，我真的不知道该跟他，还是跟自己的速度。跟他，节奏又不清楚；不跟他，又不跟别的团友一起。有谁能够告诉我该怎么办？

从星期二开始就开始去上技术培养课程， 很多东西温故知新，觉得自己在这一行可以发挥。但强项只有在理论而已，下手做的时候，发觉那些指数人员还是有他们价值的。可是我未能专心的上课，这是因为公司的工作还是得处理。真的太多案件了！

星期天试演了，没有什么练习到。惟有星期六勤练了。

下星期二是建筑安全管理人的考试，也是没什么温习。

只有周末才能处理了。

往前看吧！

抉择

有谁能够在最正确的时间做出最明智的决定?

变数实在太多，此刻做的决定，未必对自己最有利。

那还执著什么呢？悔恨当初作的决定？就算回到过去，以当时后的年龄、智慧，还是会做一样的傻事。

那看一看当下吧！只有现在才能够选择自己要的东西，做自己认为对的事情。

成事不说，遂事不谏，既往不咎。

何时能够真正体会？